down

seriously? is this what my whole life is about? feeling down and bad about myself because I start to think that THIS time it could actually work out? I am so stupid. I hate myself right now, I hate myself for always making the same mistake -falling in love. Apparently it doesn't work out the way it's supposed to be. He, fuckin asshole, wants to date a different girl, a skinny little bitch with gold big earrings and the shortest shorts I've ever seen. Why am I such a fool? Why do I always think this time it's different? Because I don't learn from my mistakes? Why does every guy pretends to like me in the beginning and then just fall for a different girl? Why does every guy makes me hope there is love in this world? I don't get it. I feel so ashamed that I actually thought it could work. In the middle of school I just went to the bathroom and cried for 20 minutes. The worst thing is that I don't have my friends who would help me to realize that it's not as bad as I think it is. That's the thing I miss the most - to get up on my feet again and be alive. I need my friends so much..

I wish every guy could just step on my heart one time, it would hurt for a months and then no one could ever break my heart again.