_

maybe i'm dreaming. maybe i shouldn't try to see things good. maybe he's an asshole and saw me as this little cute girl he could sleep with. maybe he isn't the guy i thought he'd be, maybe the whole 'us' thing isn't
something special. it looks a lot like a tragedy now. and perfectly on time when 2010 ends i think about it. what if it's true and all this time i tried to hold on to 'us' is just wasted time? what if every time i think about him is a wasted thought and wasted space on my mind? maybe i should let go. maybe

_

I had a plan, but then I met you and fell in love..

_

what do I want him to think? to feel? Do I want him to think I miss him, which could make it awkward when I'm back because he could think I love him. Do I want him to think I don't miss him? Which could make it weird when I'm back because I do miss him, and he might move on because he could think there's no chance for us. Do I want him to think I moved on? Well, he can figure out I don't move on. No moving on until he talks to me

_

I don't know what to do with my life. I still don't have any idea of what I should study, what job I could take, which city I wanna live in. I don't know. I just don't know. I don't know if next year is gonna be as awesome as this year, I don't know if everyone keeps their promises they made. I don't know if everything's gonna turn out well. I don't know if everything will be alright. I just don't know

_

tomorrow the world may look completely different

_

Why do people write or blog about their life? Blogging makes me feel better. It makes me feel better about myself. When I'm angry about something and I blog about it, I feel better and relaxed. When I'm sad and depressed and I blog about it, it makes me happier. I think people mostly blog to feel better about themselves. To tell something to the web they can't tell the real world. Probably to let their visitors know about mistakes they made so probably they won't make them. It doesn't matter if 10000 people visit your blog or if it's just 1. You make a differnce in their lifes. You change their lifes a bit. When I blog about life teaching lessons and I see one person read it, I smile. Because this one person hopefully feels better about something they did or this person just feels better about themselves. Maybe this person had a bad day and this one blog entry makes them a bit happier and shows that life is wonderful. When I blog that it's not about being skinny, it's about being healthy and attitude and your smile, I hope that a girl who tries to lose weight and gets sicker every day reads it and realizes that it's the truth. It's the truth that if you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you? It's not about being skinny, I promise. And if this girl feels better and starts to eat again and feels more confident every day, I made a change in her life. Even if it's just a little change, it's a change. A good one. So no matter how many people visit your blog every day, you change a life. Every day

-

If what you want is for me to let go,
then I'm going to do it.
And so I wish for patience and grace,
and the strength to just let you be happy.
That's the toughest part.
Letting go, you know.
That's the part of grace that really sucks.

_____________________________________

how am i supposed to feel when you're happy? when you're happy without me? what am i supposed to think when you don't think of me? what am i supposed to say if you refuse to talk to me and all i wanna do is asking you this one question? how am i supposed to be happy when i miss you just like the air i breathe? how am i supposed to move on, when i'm still in love with you? tell me. i can handle it, i can take a break-up, i can take mean things from you. i can take everything, but i can't handle this silence anymore. so please, just tell me the truth. i won't move, i won't move a centimeter. i'll be waiting for the next 140 days if you don't tell me anything 

_____________________________________

if you feel like leaving, i'm not gonna make you stay;

_____________________________________

I think everyday is made up of tiny
little tests. Some are tests of character.
Some are tests of fortitude. Others are
tests of friendship. And if you're lucky,
when it really matters, you'll
pass with flying colors.
- Scrubs

_____________________________________

it's okay to say goodbye. it's alright to say goodbye. if you're finished with something and done thinking about it, or if you just need to say goodbye to move on. it's alright. and sometimes saying goodbye makes you feel free. remember, every goodbye gives you a new hello

_____________________________________

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance.

_____________________________________

you broke my heart. but all the little pieces are still in love with you

_____________________________________

something to believe in :)

_____________________________________

good feling

_____________________________________

_____________________________________

this summer wasn't supposed to end. it should've been an endless summer, endless nights with him. drunk nights in the big city. shooting stars. moonlight. secret wishes. short dresses and high heels.

_____________________________________

why do people change? change so drasticly? i can understand if you change a bit, if you change your points of view and reasons, but your whole personality in less than a day? the person you used to be. my best friend. she used to be a wonderful person, who just drank a bit sometimes, didn't go partying every weekend and now she gets drunk every weekend. makes out with strangers. falls in love, makes out with someone else. where did she go? i miss her. old her. but i guess, i have to accept the new one.

everyone changes. every once in a while, we change. we change a bit everyday, we learn a bit more about life everyday, we don't make the same mistakes like we did before and everyday changes us a bit. change can be wonderful. change can be all you need. change can be horrible. change can make you wanna die. change will make you cry when you remember how much you changed and didn't realize it

_____________________________________

do you believe in tomorrow?

_____________________________________

you didn't say goodbye

_____________________________________

and when it's time to let go, let go

_____________________________________

I'm trying my best to forget that you
forgot about me. Believe me, it's not
working out. You've got something
about you that makes me want you more

no camera in the world could ever capture the way my eyes sparkle when he smiles at me

somebody turn the lights on.

somebody tell me what’s wrong.

I’d be lying if I told you losing you

was something I could handle.

_____________________________________

if you give me the chance to be your everything, i will

_____________________________________

but reasons are like seasons, they constantly change

you're the one who let me down. the one who let go. who let me go. who didn't turn around. who doesn't make any effort at all. you're the one who ignores his feelings, not me. you're the one who keeps telling hisself you're not in love, you're the one who goes drinking with his friends to forget everything that happened, not me. and you're the one to blame. but still, i love you

i don't know if it will last. if it will begin again at all. and i have no idea what he thinks. but what i know is, i miss him

just because you were happy with him, doesn't mean you can't be happy without him

enjoying life every day

and i wonder

you lost your balance and you blame me

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i don't wanna travel the world anymore. i wanna be home

don't forget me, please

 

i'm not moving

christmas

electric

Wow. I'm still electric shocked. Thinking of him still gives me electric shocks that make my heary beat faster and my breaths getting shorter. I want him. Right now. This one month is worth waiting for one year. He is worth waiting. And everything that's gonna happen will be worth the wait

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1 month. 1 month we were happy. Everything changed in this month, july 2010. I still can't believe most of the things that happened in this short time, but looking back I realize how much time I already spent thinking about him, me, us and this summer. He's more than just a summer romance. I hope, I hope it so bad that we start where we ended up again when I'm back. It's only 146 more days and I believe in him. I believe he can love me again or still love me. Since I left he still hasn't made out with anyone. So maybe there's a chance, a chance that we can make it through these 146 days and things are the way they were before

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i miss him. i miss him so much. everything. i miss feeling him. being surrounded by him. going to sleep and knowing i'm gonna see him tomorrow, instead of crying myself to sleep and knowing i'm not gonna see him in the next 5 months. it's almost been 6 months since we started our crazy little thing and i can't get over it. i'm stuck. still hanging on. the one thing that keeps me fom fallin apart is hoping everything will be alright, although my mind keeps telling me nothing is alright, nothing will ever be alright. how i wish i could turn back time..

I love doing nothing. Being lazy. Sitting in front of the window and staring outside. Being alone. Just sit there and watch the snow. How the sun reflects and plays with shadows on the snow. Sparkling. Magnifique. With music in my ears. Thinking about life. How lucky I am to be alive and to be here.

emotions

emotions, what the fuck. I can't handle emotions. not with people I don't know. I can make my best friend feel better when she's having a breakdown and is crying. But I can't handle it when other people have one. I get this weird feeling and it makes me feel like an asshole because I don't know how to move. what to say. or what to do. hate this

home is where the heart is

I don't know for sure where my heart is, but what I know is that there's a chance it's with him. So I guess home is, wherever he is

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damn, anyone seen my heart?

your head is round, you can change the perspective of seeing things

time to wake up. stop dreaming being in love is a fairytale. it's not. falling in love isn't a fuckin fairytale. nothing is. reality is hard, it can be good, as long as you're not gonna kicked down. stop thinking your relationship is a fairytale. there are billions of relationships in the world, and believe me, none of them is a fairytale. some time you're gonna figure out 'for ever' is a fuckin lie. nothing lasts for ever and love in the least. you can't love someone until you die from 13 years on. your heart is not broken. it feels like you can't breathe and your heart hurts, but it's not broken. because love isn't a fairytale

You're always in my heart.

And here I sit. Sweet sixteen years old. Fashionista. Photographer. Music lover. Coffee addict. Overthinker. Challenged. In the end of the world. America. In the snow. And missing him. He still makes me smile. He, and all the things that happened this summer. All the memories. Sweet and bitter, bittersweet. I still miss him and I'm still in love with him

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You're everywhere. Everywhere I go, you're there. On my mind. And you don't leave

I'm travelling the world with my coffee to go

you can't be too careful anymore

why do all good things come to an end?

german surveey

Tee oder Kaffee? Kaffee
Sommer oder Winter? Sommer
englisch oder amerikanisch? englisch
Filme oder Serien? Serien
Rosen oder Nelken? Rosen
Blau oder Grün? Blau
Rot oder Rosa? Rot
Gold- oder Silberschmuck? Silberschmuck
 Hund oder Katze? Katze, MIAU
Meer oder Berge? Meer
Norden oder Süden? Norden
Kochen oder Backen? Kochen
Heimat oder Fremde? Heimat
Shopping oder essen gehen?  Shopping
Sonne oder Regen? Sonne
Geographie oder Geschichte? sucks both
E-Mails oder Briefe? E-Mails
Fisch oder Fleisch? nichts
Nudeln oder Kartoffeln? Kartoffeln
schwimmen oder wandern? schwimmen
Rock- oder Popmusik? Pop
Karo oder Streifen? Streifen
Elvis Presley oder Michael Jackson? MC
Actionfilme oder Science Fiction? Action
Amerika oder Kanada? both
Bloggen oder Chatten? BLOGGEN
Wurst oder Käse? Käse
Laubbäume oder Palmen? Palmen

WISH LIST FOR DECEMBER

White Tanktop (H&M)
High Waist Denim Shorts (amazon)
Necklace (S. Oliver)
High Hells (Killah)
Cardigan (H&M)
Bracelets (random, private)

HAMBURG, I'M COMIN

YEEEEEEEEEEES ! :) vacation is almost booked ! My best friend and me are gonna spend 8 days and nights in hamburg :) north germany! I've been to Hamburg a few times before, but never for so long. And never alone. I feel so happy about that :) we're gonna stay in a hotel with a wellness and spa center, fitness room and of course TV. Yes, we do have kinda high standards. Shopping Shopping Shopping♥
And we're gonna drive to St Peter Ording for a day and chill  on the beach. I'm so excited for these 8 days. It's like living in a big city with my best friend in an all inclusive hotel, fuck yes. Dressing up every day, being there. Just enjoying the big city. I wanna be there, right now! Wearing high heels, a dress, sunglasses and a cute little bag. oh my god C: the more I think about it, the more excited I get

but most of all, i hate the fact that i don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all

du hast es, das gewisse etwas. du, und nur du. niemand anderes. du bist der, den ich will. der, den ich brauche. der, den ich liebe. ich will niemand anderen außer dir

forever is made of many nows

I wish there would be a rewind button in life. I wish it so bad. I could just play all my favorite memories over and over again. My first kiss with him, all the endless moments we had. I treasure the memories and protect them with all my heart, and I feel all the emotions I felt again when a memory flashes into my mind. Where's the rewind button?

Life's good