i tried to get over you, because i'm pretty sure i won't do that in the next 8 months

and now it starts again to never end.

the snow is beautiful. snow. winter. negative degrees... my mind says summer's over since half a year.  we've been through 3 seasons. summer -where everything began, fall -tears tears and tears, winter -starting to get used to the feeling of missing him.
i miss him with each day i think about it

I have so much control about guys I don't even know. But the two things I wish I could control are just the hardest things to figure out.

I think I figured out the way this game is going, but he still has my heart.

Nickelback - Far Away

how one person can change your feelings about almost everything is amazing in a scary way.

You're full of joy to go away for a year, excited for all the new challenges, people to meet, experiences.. everything.

And then this one person comes into your life and changes the way you feel so effortlessly. 

I wanted to stay home, just to be with him, to be near him, but now I'm away and realize how he changed the way I feel about everything.

itscaresmehowmuchimissyou

it's werid how you remember thoughts you thought years ago. You're in the same situation and think exactly the same, you start to wonder and think about it, questionning qourself what did just happen?
I start to feel weird, because it always happens to me. I have the same thought in the same situations like years ago..

SNOW! It's snowing. I'm really excited about the first now here (:
Walking around and making footprints with the fray-fall away in my ears. Awesome <3

I remember the times we spent together
on those drives
We had a million questions
all about our lives
and when we got to New York
everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
tonight

I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin'
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much

Tonight I'm falling and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
and the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
and stayed out way too late
I remember the time you sat and told me about your Jesus
and how not to look back even if no one believes us
When it hurts so bad sometimes
not having you here...

I sing,
"Tonight I'm falling and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"

I sing,
"Tonight I'm falling and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

[fm static - tonight]

i miss you

so bad

it hurts..

Today I realized he still means the world to me. I would give up so many things, just to see him.

And I saw him today. I was skyping with my best friend, his sister and he came to see her computer. He didn't know I was watching them. He looked terrible, but I didn't care. That makes me even more realize how truly in love I am with him. Just seeing him was so good, even though he didn't talk to me or knew I was there, it felt so good. All I can say is it was amazing, in a creepy way.

I feel this is gonna be a great day :) it's 8 am and I'm happy !
yesterday I talked to one of my best friends and we had so much fun talking about her ex boyfriend who is mine too :D it was kinda awkward for him, but that's ok.
I hope this feeling of happiness won't leave so soon -I love it :)

I don't know why he still makes me smile, why he's still on my mind, or why I still can't move on.
But honestly, At the moment I don't wanna change a thing about it

It's so surprising how looking at photos make all the memories flash back.. I listen to this one song I heard a year Ago and it will just bring up all the emotions I felt once.. Photos will even make me cry when I'm reminded of all the great times I had with my friends...
Memories. Flashback.

saying goodbye always breaks my heart, but I'm so grateful for the people I have met in my life, especially my new life. ♥

when i left, i didn't clearify one thing. and that's the thing i regret..

i should've talked to him, how we make it through. if we can make it through.
i don't want it all to end now, but i should stop dreaming it's all gonna be okay, because it won't. things will never go back to how they were, regardless how hard we try.
this got me wondering why we even start something, that's just gonna end later. i don't know how i'm supposed to feel anymore, but i'll figure it out sometime i guess..

3 months

we're together since 3 months. 1 1/2 month we spent together. everything we did changed my life completely -he changed my life completely.
he gave me way too much to remember to forget him. I know I can get over him, and I'm definitely going to, but no matter where I end up, I'm always gonna have him in my heart

time

time just flies by. I never thought it'd go by so fast.. it seems so slow, but suddenly I realize that it's been more than 3 months already, since he and me started our crazy relationship. 3 months of happiness, fear, tears and sex.
In 4 days it's been 3 months since I flew to Majorca. that's almost a third of the time I'm gonna spend away. I just hope it's all gonna be alright again..

i start to care about the people around me. i used to think i'd never care about them, but now i started to realize i would miss them if they wouldn't be around me anymore. they're great.
i appreciate every single one of them

never the same again

i'll never be the same again, and you won't be the same again either. this changed me and you. us.
all those memories.. how can you forget someone who gave you so much to remember?
flashbacks to the endless hours to spend, it was wonderful. thank you. i hope some day you'll read this blog and remember me and us.

footprints.
winter -in the snow
spring -in the flowers
summer -at the beach
fall -at the floor
in a heart -forever.

you made your footprints in my heart, and i know i'm never gonna forget you. when i left, i didn't leave completely; you didn't stay the same. i took a part of you with me -and left a part of me with you, wherever i go, i always have you with me. and no matter where you go -you always have me with you. either you know it or not -i'm in love with you

you can turn the page, but you can't erase the one before.
you need the prior page, in order to know what's going on on the next one. you can't forget it, once you've read it. you can try to push it back into a little small box in the back of your mind, but getting someone out of your heart is another story.

i just don't wanna keep pretending i'm okay with the way you behave. i can't, i'm on the edge.
leave me or stay with me, but don't play around anymore. please.